East Meets West - Marriage in Japan

Ever wondered what marriage ceremonies are like in Japan? Me too. So I set out to look beyond the fact that the Japanese for a bride (shinpu-san) sounds like a cartoon about a family in Springfield, and seek out the true details behind this wonderful occasion. It cost me a lot of money, I can tell you… But it was worth it.

The day starts off at 9am, with a bored groom smoking and waiting for the go ahead to get into his hakama. The bride and her mother are getting into their kimonos and this takes a while. Everyone’s ready about a quarter past ten, and so we make our way upstairs to another floor of the hotel where they have a shrine. About fifty people the groom has never met before are grinning from ear to ear, and some of them are desperate to practice their English on him. He pretends not to notice some of the more confusing mistakes, and lines up with the bride against a wall so that everyone - and that means everyone - can mill in and have their photo taken. This takes some time.

Its really hot in the kimonos, more so for the bride, as she has a massive wig to wear. Her kimono is also heavier, as the sleeves have big chunks of cardboard in them to keep them straight. They get a nice tea break, and the two sides of the family introduce themselves to one another, and the bride and groom, neither of whom know most of the people in the room. The groom’s family weren’t able to make the long, expensive trip to Japan, so there’ll be another wedding next month in his hometown. In the meantime, he has to content himself with the family he’s marrying into. And they seem frighteningly reminiscent of his own family, expecially in the way they behave towards one another. It’s a lot of fun.

One of the attendants from the shrine scampers in to check the bride and groom know what’s going on. They think they do. There will be some muttering under the bride’s breath once the ceremony begins, because the groom wasn’t concentrating and forgot to bow. But that’s later. For now, they just learn the correct order in which to turn round a leafy twig, and how many times they drink the sake. (Another thing that will later cause muttering because the groom holds the tiny tiny tiny dish between his finger and thumb, instead of cradling it gently in an open palm.)

The ceremony eventually gets under way, and a priest delivers a kind of sing songy speech that prepares the god of the shrine to accept us and look after us. This involves naming the bride and the groom, and their hometowns. Its OK for the bride, because she’s Japanese, but neither of them are sure if the priest is taking the mickey or has the wrong words written down when he attempts to pronounce the groom’s hometown. He has a nice costume though - big wooden shoes that clack together sometimes, and a big hat that looks like it was woven together like a fruit basket.

The bride and groom stand up and sit down a lot. They drink some sake - 1 sip, 2 sip, 3 sip - drain, pass to bride, she repeats, then move to number 2 sake dish which is slightly bigger, repeat sip procedure, then move to final sake dish which is bigger still, and repeat procedure. The sake is delicious - shame they didn’t put more in the bowls. The groom remembers talking to one of the dressers though, and she says that sometimes at the parties after the ceremony they have to call an ambulance because dehydrated brides/bridegrooms drink too much on an empty stomach. Something which he found hysterical, and the reasons behind this difficult to convey. The bride and groom exchange rings. They read out a big speech which they have to do at the same time. It’s in Japanese and while the groom can read it, the bride is obviously faster, and there are lots of moments where she doesn’t remember he has the reading age of a 6 year old when it comes to Japanese. She thinks its sweet, so no problems there.

Then there are twigs. The twigs are rotated in a set manner, raised to your forehead, and then you make a wish, before rotating them again, placing them back down as an offering to the god of the shrine.

Then there is filing out, a huge professional group photo and finally, blessedly, a costume change. Off come the heavy kimonos and on to a grey tux and a white dress, before the party starts at 12. A party unlike any other - it’s been planned like a military operation, and the consequence of this is that the bride and groom spend most of the time wandering about the room having their photos taken, lighting candles, or listening attentively to people’s speeches, and the kids singing karaoke. The crazy uncle also does karaoke and gives a stellar performance. Unfortunately, all this time making everyone else happy means the delicious food on the table sits and leers at the groom, teasing him. There is also no chance to get utterly hammered which pleases the groom as he has to work the next day, but upsets him because its his wedding, he’s paying for it, and he wants to get boozed up.

Fortunately, he doesn’t. As he has to give a speech in Japanese. The speeches come right at the end - the bride, having gone through another costume change - reads a letter to her parents, and her sister, and tells them how much she loves them. She cries, something she never does in public. Its very sweet. Then dad gives a speech. Then the groom gives a speech. Which he had practiced, but of course, it still went to pot, as he couldn’t see his audience with the bright shiny lights in his face. Still, everyone enjoyed it. Out the family file, to bow continuously for the next fifteen minutes and thank everyone for coming, before finally being allowed to get changed in to their own clothes and go home.

The whole thing only took 7 hours, and now its home to eat the bento box of goodies that they weren’t given the time to eat at the ceremony. Yes, the hotel packed everything away in to a doggy bag. Fantastic service, eh?

For anyone who didn’t know about this happy event, sorry - but it was a secret because I don’t like fuss. And now you know - I got married. If you want to come to the Northern Irish bash, send me an email. And if you want to see the pictures, you’ll have to have a flickr account and add me to your flickr contacts - for obvious reasons, I’m not making the pictures public.

Monday, October 23rd, 2006 Japan, Japanese Traditions Trackback URL for this entry